Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
