I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize