so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
