He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I only lived at night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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