So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
