we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
