What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
