are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
