Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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