He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
