life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
