you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
