My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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