Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
