She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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