Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
