but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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