I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
