I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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