It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
