my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
