did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
