I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
