I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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