his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
