I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
