I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
