i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
