Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
