I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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