don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
