my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
