party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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