Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
