If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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