Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
