She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
