If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize