tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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