State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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