how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
