someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
