Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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