Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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