Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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