Well apparently he's into motor boating.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
