evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
