so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
