I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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