gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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