I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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