Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my liver is dry heaving
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
