She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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