I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pooping to opera.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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