Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
