just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
