Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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