I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
