Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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