I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
