saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
