do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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