He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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