arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
