In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
