my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
